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SEPTEMBER 10, 2003 –
Pronouncing
that he, “…will not stand for sucking up to voters against
principle, such as I just did by granting driver’s licenses to
illegals,” embattled California Governor Gray Davis reversed course
on the recall, announcing that he will, “be certain to vote my
pandering ass out of office.”
“It was one thing when I let Enron bilk the state,” explained Davis,
“despite being told by state regulators what Enron was up to.
That was merely pathetic and ineffective governing.”
But, said Davis, when he caught wind that he had just signed into
law a bill that allows illegal immigrants to obtain valid state
driver’s licenses – something he had vetoed not so long ago – he
knew Davis was a man so unprincipled that he could no longer be
trusted.
The, “security of our state – and our nation – is at risk,” due to
the Governor’s sudden reversal, said the Governor. And, said
Davis, there is absolutely no doubt that Davis had nothing in mind
but pandering for the sake of defeating the recall.
“How can we keep
someone in office who is willing to compromise all principle and
security for the sake of keeping power?” asked Davis. “If
Davis will completely reverse himself on something as important as
this just to save his own ass, what other vital issue will he
compromise on next for some ambitious reason?”
When contacted for
comment, Governor Davis refused to respond to Governor Davis’
attacks.
Republican candidate
Tom McClintock said, “I am quite nervous in this election. The
competition is so strong and credible. I am battling against
the racist, womanizing, lying, dope-smoking, debate-avoiding,
question-avoiding, inexperienced goon Schwarzenegger and, at the
same time, against the unpopular, and now unprincipled and endlessly
pandering, Davis. How is a fella supposed to win against such
bastions of Gubernatorialness?”
Arianna
Huffington said at a news conference, “I con’t decide which is
fonier uh which is stopider. But one zing es fur sure.
Nobody right naw can recall any raisin for not supporting the
recall."
“No on Davis, yes on putting my Latino ass in
office,” Bustamante said in a statement. While he supports the
driver’s license initiative himself, he has always done so, and
would, “never become such a wussy panderer for any reason.”
Governor Davis agreed.
“We are talking about
our state and national security. If we allow anyone who claims
to be an illegal immigrant to get a driver’s license, there will be
no identity control, no citizenship control, and the ramifications
for the War on Terror, not to mention preventing other criminals
from getting new identities, as well as securing our borders and
preventing fraud in elections, will be devastating.”
“It is quite simple,”
Davis said, summarizing the situation. “Anyone who votes to
keep Davis in office is voting against America and the security of
the state of California. So, if Davis isn’t recalled, I
promise I will initiate a recall against him as soon as this recall
is over.”
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