AM RADIO HOST DEBATE A DISASTER
CLEARCHANNEL, INDIANA - Rush Limbaugh stared at Larry Elder who stared at Michael Savage who stood open-mouthed, staring at Sean Hannity, who was blankly staring at Bill O'Reilly.
"He just gave the answer I was going to give," complained Hannity, "word for word."
"Me, too," chimed in best-selling author and fellow AM radio host Michael Savage. "That was a quote stolen from my new book."
"No," belted out Rush Limbaugh, "I said that exact thing in that exact way 10 years ago -- before you even knew what AM was."
"Um," offered Elder, "I'm sorry, but I believe when I said those same words in that same way on my show I set the standard for the saying of those words in that way. Thank you. Buy my book."
Savage became enraged, shouting out, "Hey, that's my line -- buy my book."
Limbaugh again overrode the two in a deep baritone, which immediately shifted up to a shrill tenor, and then back down to baritone again. "Let's set the record straight, folks. 'Buy my book' was used by Rush Limbaugh, my fellow Americans, long before any of these pretenders knew what the word book meant."
The moderator somehow managed to regain control of the group and restore order. "The next question, gentlemen. What do you think about the tax on dividends?"
All of the 4,293 participants called out in unison, "You mean double taxation!" Then, once again, they all looked at each other befuddled.
"Please," begged the moderator, "this is supposed to be a debate. There are 4,293 of us up here -- every single AM talk radio host that exists in this country. There should be at least one person who has something different to say. Let's try one more question."
The mass of radio talent stared on nervously.
"What do you think about..."
Before the moderator could even finish, all of the AM'ers said in unison, "I hate Clinton -- buy my book."
Realizing there was no point to continuing, they all walked off, heads down, and went to call their employers to ask for advice. Unfortunately, they all got either busy signals or, "All circuits are busy message." It took a few moments for them to realize they were all trying to dial the same number at once.
And unfortunately, we got the same message when we tried to call Clearchannel Communications, apparently the same number they were all trying to call. We thought to call another company that owns an AM radio station, but realized there were none left, all of them having been bought up by Clearchannel over the last decade.
NEXT WEEK: A debate of the weaselly wimps TV puts on to represent supposed "liberals."
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