Tax Rate That Existed Throughout Booming Nineties Somehow Blamed For Current Downturn

MAY 1 - 15, 2003

VOL. 1 ISSUE 2

TAX RATE THAT EXISTED THROUGHOUT BOOMING NINETIES SOMEHOW BLAMED FOR CURRENT DOWNTURN

Rate That Never Was Problem Before Suddenly Disastrous, Say Republicans, Dems

WASHINGTON, DC – Preparing for the upcoming debate on how large the next tax cut should be, members of both parties agreed that giving hundreds of billions of dollars in tax cuts would somehow revive an economy that thrived under tax rates that were even higher than they are now.

“We need to put almost another trillion dollars back into the economy,” said White House Strategist Karl Rove. “That’ll fix this sagging economy, creating jobs and growth.”

Asked how the tax rate could be to blame for the economy's woes when an even higher tax rate existed throughout the constant boom times of the nineties, Rove replied, “Shut up. Who do you work for?”

Al From, Founder of the Democratic Leadership Council, offered a similar perspective. “Now the Republicans are going to far, once again putting too much in the pockets of the rich. But still, I would like to rip some hundreds of billions from health, education, and social programs, or at least run up a nice big debt, because that will help turn the economy around."

When the same question - of how a tax-rate that never was a problem suddenly could be the cause of all ills - was put to From, he answered, “Is this a trick question? I gave the right answer, didn’t I – that I was for less of a tax-cut and so more responsible? Only hundreds of billions, you see?”

Economist Alan Schmitz, professor of Economics at the University of Chicago, offered this analysis. “There have been a record number of personal bankruptcies declared each year for almost a decade now, and everyone in the country is obese. We have, basically, consumed all we can. Our credit cards, and belt-lines, are maxed. Nothing but an influx of cash to pay down those cards and universal coverage for liposuction will turn things around, enabling the American consumer to get back out there and consume, consume, consume.”

Americans consumers seem to agree. Asked if they would spend more if they no longer had to pay tax on dividends, 92% of respondents asked what a dividend was, 1% said yes they would, and 7% stood open-mouthed and drooling.

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All Vol. 1 Issue 2:

Arts/Entertainment - Dixie Chicks treated With Southern Courtesy And Respect: "Those Death Threats Were So Charming. Southern Boys Really Know How To Treat A Lady."

Elections 2004 - The Moderate Independent Rates The Democratic Hopefuls Based On How Moderate And Independent They Are.

Poll - Talking About The War

World - Northrop, Occidental To Sponsor Shakira's Columbian Tour. "We're In The Neighborhood Bombing People Anyway," Says Northrop Employee

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Bush Hires Saddam's Information Minister

Is President Bush Being Exploitative, Landing "Top Gun" Style? Does Moving Republican Convention in New York Closer To 9/11 Cross The Line?

Bush Admits He's Been Asking "Wrong Jesus" What He Would Do. Says He's Been Asking Jesus Chavez, A Coke Dealer Who Used To Be His Savior

Santorum, Lott Sent Back To "Two-Shouldered" School. Republican Leaders To Be Reinstructed About Pre-Biggoted Comment Shoulder Checks