AUG 15 - 31, 2003

VOL. 1 ISSUE 9

 

ENTERTAINMENT

Kelly Clarkson Ordered To Undergo Mental Evaluation

by Betsy R. Vasquez

 

AUGUST 3, 2003 - It is a song about someone who is an independent person, but then ends up falling in love.  So why is this American Idol winner screaming throughout like a psychotic banshee in heat?

 

That is what a team of top psychiatrists at Johns Hopkins Medical Center will evaluate on Wednesday.

 

"Our first guess is Tourette's Syndrome," said Dr. Alfred Hanington, who will head the Clarkson research and evaluation team.  "Either that or schizophrenia - where Christina Aguilera is most likely her alternate personality.  This is the only thing that could possibly explain this mellow Caucasian woman suddenly bellowing like a South American riot had erupted within her backside."

 


ALL ISSUES

News

Schwarzenegger: "I'll make Bush Seem Like Mother Teresa"

Battling Back: The Texas Three-step

FBI Called In To Look For Missing Tax Cut Windfall

Savage Weiner Roasted Due To Anti-gay Rant

Let's Get Something Straight: This New Breed Of Republican Is Pathetic

Republicans Begin To Cry Like Babies, Swear Like Bullies

"Pyrrhic Victory" Officially Renamed "Bush Victory"

AM Talk Host Savage Weiner Comes Out Of The Closet

Democrats Court The "Asshole Vote"

Democrats, Shocked And Awed As Gingrich Calls Bush's Role In War An "Unrelenting Defeat", Hire Him As New Spokesman

Like Father, Like Son: Bush To "Destabilize" Iran, Thinking It Will Somehow Stabilize Region

Why People Don't Belong To Either Party

On The Serious Side: President Bush's Great Diplomatic Success

Bush, Rove Start Planning Who to Blame, Bomb When 9/11 of Global Warming Arrives

Bush Admits He's Been Asking "Wrong Jesus" What He Would Do

Bush Hires Saddam's Information Minister

Could Bush Really Be To Blame For Ruining The Economy?

Democrats Suffering From 'SARS'

Is President Bush Being Exploitive, Landing "Top Gun" Style?

Santorum, Lott Sent Back To "Two-Shouldered" School

Tax Rate That Existed Throughout Booming Nineties Somehow Blamed For Current Downturn

Bush Thanks Osama, Saddam for Salvaging Republican Party

Carter Ecstatic, Finally Freed Of "Worst President Ever" Label

Dick, Bush, And Colin: Fifth Graders, World-Leaders Laugh Hysterically At leaders' Combined Name Humor

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Editorial

Point: Is There Anything We Weren't Right About?

Feedback - Have Republicans found any fault with Bush's Iraq policy yet?

Did The President Lie About WMD's?

Letters

The Idea of a “Moderate Independent” News Source

Bush's Greatest Success To Date:  Not Getting UN Support for the Iraq War

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Media Watch

ABC News' George Will Calls Vermont Communist

Debunking The Media: Man Kills 2 With Samurai Sword, Right Wing Rushes to Profit Off Of Corpses

Debunking The Media: The Confused, Psychotic Defining of "Conservative"

Debunking The Media: Texas Republicans Use Homeland Security Dept. To Try And Locate President Bush's Morals

Did Someone Actually Say "Liar"?

Right-Wing Commentators Distraught Murdoch Can't Buy Whole Internet

AM Radio Host Debate a Disaster

Australian-Owned Fox News, USA Today, NY Post Push "True American Agenda"

Axis of Murdoch Decides Who To Occupy Next

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Arts/Entertainment

American Artists Vow To Continue Expressing Nothing Through Their Work

Dixie Chicks Treated With Southern Courtesy and Respect

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Elections 2004

Make No Mistake, For One Party The Election Has Already Begun

Dean In Charge

Rating The Dems On The Issues

The Moderate Independent Rates The Democratic Hopefuls Based On How Moderate And Independent They Are

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Historical

George Pissed About French Interference With War

The History Of The 1st Amendment

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World

Fashion Critics Doubt Lula's New Look For Real

Northrop, Occidental To Sponsor Shakira's Columbian Tour

Powerful French, German, Russian Alliance Shows Strength By Letting US Occupy Iraq, Take Its Oil

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Awards

Coming Out Of The Closet Award: Country Music's Integrity On Display

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Polls

Rating the War on Terror

Thoughts On Speaking Out During a War

Has President Bush Kept His Promise To Be A Uniter, Not A Divider

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