Holy Sh--, What the F has happened to our nation?!?

MAR 15 - 31, 2005

VOL. 3 ISSUE 6

SOMEONE'S GOT TO SAY IT: HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE NATION?!?

I Turn My Back On George For A Few Years, And Jesus F'ing H. F'Ing Jesus! Did I Accidentally Get Off The Plane In Honduras???

by resident firebrand John S. Ashton

MARCH 15, 2005 – I mean holy friggin' Jesus friggin holy shit! Has anyone else seen this yet?

I mean, I guess last time I paid attention was a few years back or so. We were a superpower, we had peace, prosperity, democracy. The nation wasn't perfect but... holy friggin Christ.

Gas costs how much? Georgie was pissed off that oil was over $24 a barrel when he ran for office - for sure if I thought there was anything he could fix it would be that - he's a damned oil guy who sleeps with the Sheik of Saudi Arabia, for crying out loud. And then he even went into Iraq to steal the oil.

But let me get this straight. Our President is an oil man from Texas, his lover the dictator of the biggest oil producer on the planet, and we now rule the place with the second biggest reserves, and oil is up near $60 fucking dollars a barrel? And now all he can say is, well, maybe we'll find something to help under a bird's ass in Alaska?

For crying out loud, people! Hasn't every media outlet blown a nugget over this one already?

And Jesus Christ, I actually believed George that his deficit-creating tax cuts wouldn't really lead to deficits. The money would be multiplied back at us, through investment or some shit.

But holy fuck! Have you seen the debt? Or the deficit?

Or how about the trade debt? I just saw today, not only did it just go up to a new record, but it went up 25% this year alone. 25 fucking percent?!? In one year? Over an already record above record high? I'm sure that's the top story all over the news today, right? I mean, it just came out those numbers... God Damn!!!... they must be everywhere! I was hoping to find out the verdict about some second-rate former TV actor who hasn't worked in 20 years, but no way will that make the news with this story all over the place!!!

Jesus Christ what a mess! Long-term unemployment: at a record.

And when I last paid attention only about 1 or 2 people were dying a day in Iraq - and I thought that massive, end-all Fallujah assault that was timed to play out exactly on election week was going to "break the back" of the insurgency, or that the insurgents were just "making a last gasp" and would be done "after the election." But shit, now it's 20 a day, dead, 30, 40!

George! What the fuck are you doing?

I mean, I knew he might cause some shit, but... Fuck!

Okay, I better calm down and get some perspective.

Record debt, national deficits, trade deficits, oil at $56 and climbing, dirtier air, propaganda on TV, record long-term unemployment, record personal bankruptcies, the world friggin' hates us now, our cat dick-sized coalition of the sort-of-there in Iraq can't even keep Portugal or Poland on board? We're even losing our mafia buddies from Italy? I mean when even the mafia decides you're too low to associate with, how low have you sunk?!?

And wait, we're caught on film taking pictures of Arab penises? And some poor dog had to go sniffing Iraqi dicks for these pictures?

What the fuck?

Jesus Christ, George, I thought you quit using years ago? I mean, this shit doesn't just happen on two NA beers a night!

Come on, fess up. You hitting the Everclear again? Or maybe the Pine-Sol? Something. Sniffing magic markers? The pen you use to sign the spending bills?

Fuck. I mean, what the hell else can a person say? Fuck.

Russia has built up it's structure so it now is the second largest oil supplier, only behind the Saudis. Europe is going balls out to develop alternative energy technology. India is even taking over our phone banking/telemarketing.

And what the hell have we accomplished in the past four years? What?

There's got to be some upside? Some positive part of what's been going on here?

Anyone?

Oh yeah, limited local elections in Saudi Arabia, that's what I heard the non-Moderate Independent media saying made all this worth it. "Limited," "local" elections - in a dictatorship that is Bush's butt buddy and is reaping almost $60 for a barrel of oil now. No, that wasn't just a PR show to try and help Bush out, it was real progress that makes all this worth it.

But wait, Syria also... I don't know, did some shit related to some entirely insignificant hole named Lebanon. Wow, I feel better and safer and like record deficits, unemployment, debt, bankruptcies, oil prices, and no progress in science or anything else has been worth it. Because of something about something in... fucking Lebanon? When the hell were they about to attack us?

Fuck George. Stay focused. You're fucking up. Stay... stay focused Georgie. Look... no, don't tell me somewhere down the road... no, don't do it. George, stop!!! George!

Look, I would, you know, really like to believe what you're about to say about how things will work out someday or year down the road, but there's the little problem of EVERYTHING YOU'VE SAID SO FAR BEING WRONG! Oil is not cheaper! There are record deficits! Unemployment is a record! Iraq didn't have WMD's! It hasn't just taken "months not years"! George, you haven't gotten one fucking thing right!!

Fuck, look at this mess... no, stop... stop... stop saying I should ignore it, that it's all about to get better. George. George!!!!

Well, at least I'm sure the rest of the media isn't buying into any of this "it's all going really well" coke-head-liar talk. I'm sure the Democrats have made this oil disaster the massive story it should be, like it was in the Carter days. I wonder if they've activated the Emergency Broadcast System yet? Is GWB up in Air Force One for safety in case riots break out?

What a fucking mess!

Fuck.

At least I'm sure there's no one at this point still dumb enough to support the President or think he's done anything but wholly holy suck. I mean, anyone who did that would make a Cretan eunuch seem like a tough-guy genius. I mean, we always had stupid people, but fuck, that would take a mutant-strength moron like only appears after a Chernobyl-like accident or something. Thank goodness we haven't had any meltdown here that I know of, so it must mean no one is mutant-stupid enough to still not see what a fucking mess things are.