August 30, 2008

VOL. 6 ISSUE AUG

 

 

John Ashton Touches The Third Rail:  Anyone Who Claims Palin Is Ready To Be President Is A Fucking Moron

by

John S. Ashton

 

 

 

August 30, 2008   They just gave their new child two middle names.  Why two?  Because, they wanted the second one to be Van.  Why?  Because they thought it would be cute to have their child's name be Van Palin.  You know, it sounds like Van Halen.  Funny, huh?

 

No, I didn't make this up.

 

Let the right-wing propaganda machine that dominates the media play their victimization routine and claim it is simply unfair and wrong to question her readiness for the most important, complex office on the planet.  However, this is The Moderate Independent, and we only speak truth here.  And the truth we learned today is that John McCain is a fucking idiot who just put our nation at risk for the sake of trying to get enough votes from idiots to get his repeatedly cancerous self in the White House.

 

How fucking dare McCain put the world in jeopardy like this.

 

Oh yeah, let me not state the obvious.  How dare I say that this small town, inexperienced bimbo, who has used her brief time in the Governorship of snowland to, yes, act out a Jerry Springer-like saga of using her power of office to attack her sister's lyin', cheatin', no good ex-trailer hubby, isn't ready to handle the pinnacle of power for the planet.

 

How dare I, especially when on CNN tonight the woman who took over her spot as Mayor of the small ass frozen Alaska villa of Wasilla said tonight, when asked if Palin was ready to be President, "Sure, she'll surround herself with lots of smart people."

 

Oh fuck.

 

Note, she didn't say, "She's so smart," or, "She always talks about world affairs," or, "She will pick up and understand things quickly."

 

Let's go ahead and actually look at her record for a second.  They brag she was Mayor of Wasilla.  Well, here are some stats from the city.

 

According to the Wikipedia entry on the city, in 2000, "67% of families were below the poverty line."

 

Wow, not bad, there were actually a few that made it above poverty.  Let's celebrate by taserin' our kin!

 

Oh yeah, and women will love this stat:  In Wasilla, "Males had a median income of $41,300 versus $29,100 for females."

 

Nice!  Hey, now it makes sense why Palin called Hillary Clinton "a whiner" during the primaries.  Because obviously she is used to, in the city she ran, people saying things like, "Listen, sugar tits, don't be whining about making more than 25% less than Bill - you have a vag, you ain't worth the same."

 

Honestly, I wouldn't trust this chick to babysit my kids.  Naming her kid Van Palin?  A husband who didn't finish college, but heck, he rides snowmobiles really, really, really far?  A sister who marries a guy who tasers his own kin, drives drunk - and Palin and her husband repeatedly calling and filing complaints against him that are dismissed?  Like 14 times?

 

14 times?  When the fuck will she learn what Pakistan, Russia, China, India, Venzuela, Bin Laden, and other threats are up to if, on top of having 5 kids, including a new one with Down Syndrome, she spends her time making repeated grudge calls on behalf of her sister?  Oh yeah, this was priority one when she got in office as well, using the Governor's office to continue the white trash battle for her sister by trying to get the ex-hubby fired (for which she is now under investigation.)

 

She claimed in her VP-slot acceptance speech today that as Mayor of Wasilla she cut wasteful spending.  The town has 6,500 people.  How much fucking spending could there be?  You could probably follow every single dollar personally, pay all the bills in ones.  You can cut spending in half by making staff bring their own coffee.  I mean what was the fucking budget of this unpopulated ice town?  Oh, hey, $12.7 million.  About the size of a department - a small one - in say, a hospital.  Wow, she helped cut some costs from a one-department-of-a-company-sized city!

 

Hey, let's make her a manager of the new hospital in the city, Mat-Su Regional Medical Center, not fucking President.  Oh, wait, the hospital is actually outside the city limits, between W-town and another remote outpost of poverty and sexist pay I guess.  Town's not big enough to support a whole hospital apparently.

 

And this chick is going to deal with the entire health care situation of the United States?

 

Wait, she deals with a bigger budget now in her little over a year as Governor.  Well, how big is that budget:  Click on this link to find out.  No, that "not found" error doesn't mean I put the wrong link - that is the link to Management and Budget from her website (go to the page and click on Management and Budget yourself if you want to experience the magical, missing budget page yourself.)

 

Well, I don't know if she can manage the state's budget - apparently she can't even manage the state's budget webpage.

 

Yeah, so let's like give her the whole budget of the country to handle.  Awesome.

 

Ok, let's give her another chance.  She has another link for the FY '08 Enacted Budget.  Let's click on that and... nope, another "The Page Cannot Be Found."  Well, at least we know a place for the page exists by the link info:  http://gov.state.ak.us/omb/08_OMB/budget/index.htm  Yep, 08 OMB.  Sounds like where a web page with this year's budget stuff should be.  Followed by /budget.  That would be the place.  Well, she's only been in office a year and a half, and she's been busy during that time trying to get her ex-brother-in-law fired.  Let's give her a chance to figure out complex things like having a webpage put up.

 

What a commander, what a manager - can't get a fucking IT person to pop a damned web page up.  And she's going to manage the entire nation?  Right.

 

She's led a focused life, though.  Degree in journalism.  Beauty Pageants.  Marrying someone without a degree.  Running marathons.  Shooting guns.  Her deep interests, according to her official Governor website, are, "enjoys hunting, fishing, Alaska history, and all that Alaska's great outdoors has to offer."

 

Is this a singles ad or a fucking Governor's website?

 

Ok, she did some sports broadcasting.  WTF?  Beauty pageants.  Excuse me?  She claims Global Warming is a hoax, wants Creationism taught in schools, opposes abortion even in the cases of rape or incest, and claims, despite those damned fact things, that we can solve our energy problem with a lil' drillin' and a big tube across Canada so we can import natural gas.

 

Ok, the Alaska pipeline thing is a good thing, eh?  After achieving that, she must have taken that experience and grown from it, eh?

 

Well, she may, but thing is, this key highlight to her virtually non-existent resume - the passage of the pipeline thing - just occurred on August 3, 2008.  In other words, when McCain started considering VP candidates, she didn't even have her one talking point yet.

 

Um, just a thought:  maybe we should give it a full month and see how her first actual resume line holds up and plays out.  A couple years down the road, if the thing is actually built and turns out to be a good thing, then we can compliment her.  But, um, this was just 2 1/2 weeks ago!  And this is all she has to brag about as her credentials?

 

The rest of you poor people in the non-Moderate Independent media, I feel as bad for you as I do for the workin' women and poor poverty-struck families of Wasilla.  Unlike me, you can't just say the obvious:  Sarah Palin, nice tits, not even remotely ready for the White House.

 

Nor can you say this other part:  John McCain, you have betrayed your country.  If you win, you have put our very existence at risk.  So, please, tell us, what did she really do for you during the one visit you spent with her?  It must have been pretty damned good - one visit, and you sacrifice the whole free world to get the chance to have her by your side.

 

Now back to the rest of the media, where they will bite their tongues and say, "Sure, she's a fine choice, an important voice."

 

No she's fucking not, she's a rack with glasses.  Aren't you, sugar tits?

 

 
 

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